Let’s face it. Divorce sucks. Some of us make it through the other side faster than others, and some of us seem to be living in an endless nightmare. 

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22 Comments

  1. My wife wants a divorce after only two years of marriage. We should be starting a family now, and she is panicking about being tied down.

    I don’t want a divorce. My parents have been married over 35 years, and drilled it into me that marriages are forever and have ups and downs.

    My wife’s mother left my father in law when my wife was really little, then got married and divorced a couple more times. I think she’s egging my wife on to leave our marriage because in some weird way it justifies her past choices.

    Is there any way for me to stop this divorce from going through? If my wife would just slow down I think we can work it out.

    Reply
    • I feel for you man. The quick and dirty: Sadly the reality for marriage is that it is a contract that basically takes two to agree, but only to terminate. You can delay, but that is about all you can do.

      I am drawn to responding to this comment because I read my pain in your story. Same thing happened to me. My ex agreed to therapy, but made it clear (in many hard to hear ways) that she had no intention of trying to salvage the marriage.

      Best advice I have is to try and get her to agree to therapy to help you understand. Don’t pressure too much, because that could make her dig in harder. Maybe she will reveal issues, but you should also be open to listening and learning if your marriage has hope for survival. If not, find a way to end it fairly.

      Reply
    • Sadman, dump the b*&^. She doesn’t deserve you or your attention if that’s the case. You deserve better than that. Hit me up sometime. I can’t find a decent man in my area and I could use a guy like you who actually cares about his wife. There just aren’t enough caring men in the world and it’s a shame women don’t give them the respect they deserve.

      Reply
    • Sadman, Run from Carla! She sounds like many of the desperate ones I run into through online dating!

      Reply
  2. You know, I get why “no fault” divorce is a good thing, and makes it easier to get a divorce. But it isn’t always a good thing for every one, especially guy’s like me., where the divorce is ALL HER FAULT. She’s the one who cleaned out our checking account and ran off to shack up with another man, in another state. But now she’s back here for the divorce and demanding half of everything! And my lawyer says there isn’t anything I can do about it. That SOB she’s screwing will be living the high life with what took me decades of hard work to earn. I can’t sleep or function at work with this hanging over me.

    Reply
    • From a personal perspective, I think your attorney is an a**hole. And you should consider getting yourself a new attorney. From a banking perspective, get statements from the bank to show the monies extracted and keep a close accounting of what she took (clothing, monies, personal and marital effects, etc.) at her departure. There is hell to pay and the devil is in the details. Without documentation you’re screwed. They were marital funds and subject to equitable division. Secondly, let’s get real. DIVORCE and separation are not one person’s fault, but the fault of the marriage and the relationship. There were obviously things wrong in the marriage. We can blame the wife if you like. It’s good and soothing to our ego, but it may not be factually correct. take some time to reflect. What was going on? Why was she dissatisfied? Were you dissatisfied? Why? There were likely failures or warnings of failures that were ignored or not acknowledged. Own them. embrace them. Learn from them. And then don’t let them creep into your next relationship. And, good luck with all this. We’re here for you.

      Reply
  3. Quick question for the folks out there: I just found out my divorce has been assigned to a specific judge. Problem is that this judge is openly pro-women. Reading his bio he just about says it. My lawyer is pretty clear on this guy’s track record. As a result, my lawyer’s just went from pretty good grounds to seek primary physical custody of my kids to let try and settle.

    Am I stuck? How do you fight for fairness when the system is biased?

    My ex and I couldn’t agree on custody, I’m going through the expense and pain of the court to seek fairness, and now I’m being forced back to an unreasonable table! HELP!!

    Reply
    • Thanks for the information. I’ve been pushing for primary custody. We both work, but I primarily do the kid stuff in the evenings because she works late and is tired when she gets home. She wants the other way and says she can change her work hours. Tried mediation and it didn’t work.

      I’m worried now that I have been assigned to this judge. Didn’t know if anyone had success switching the judges.

      Reply
    • This really blows. I don’t know if it’s just bad luck, bad karma, or just bad timing. Either way you look at it, taking your chances in court is dicey. Find a way to work out the best agreement you can with your Ex and be done with it, because it can only get worse if the court’s involved.

      Reply
  4. I been divorced for over a year, after being married less than two years. We didn’t have any kids, because she kept wanting to wait. She’s the one who left me, said she didn’t love me anymore.

    We have no reason to talk to each other, but she has been commenting on my Facebook posts and sending me messages, mostly with stupid cartoons and stuff. She hasn’t come right out and said she wants to get back together or anything, but she keeps showing up in placed where I go, like the gym and the store. I swear theres been a couple times I think I saw her following me on the road. Its like WTF?

    Is this like stalking?

    Reply
    • Jimmy, jump on this and take her home with you. When you find her following you, stalking you or coming onto you, take the lead and offer to take her home. Get her off your back by getting her on your good side. Dump her later if needed but, WTF? Might as well have some fun with this.

      Reply
  5. Yeah, I was one of the blind guys who never saw it coming. I came home to an empty house, empty bank account and a letter telling me she was in love with another guy. Now I find out she hadn’t made the house payment for the last five months and the bank is going to foreclose.

    I trusted my wife to pay the bills. I trusted her not to be screwing some guy behind my back too. Can I go after her for the back house payments? Is there any way to get the bank to hold off in the meantime? Or am I hosed?

    Reply
    • Work with the bank to hold off on the foreclosure. If you work with them, they’ll likely work with you. They really don’t want to be in the real estate business. Holding your departed spouse hostage for mortgage payments is a stretch but it’s a bargaining chip you can use through the process. if nothing else, negotiate your share of the absconded funds from the house settlement if and when you sell the property. Good luck.

      Reply
  6. Can anyone tell me how long it takes to stop wanting to knock the shit out of the guy my ex is living with? I pretty much knew she was with somebody before we split, but she denied it. Now to see her with this guy makes me crazy. We been divorced for over a year.

    Reply
    • Rob, there’s a certain part of that anger that’ll likely never go away. Just try to put all this behind you. After two to three years, this too shall pass.

      Reply
  7. I need help right now. My wife found out I am seeing a woman from work and she is pissed. I got two kids and don’t want to lose my family. I don’t want a divorce but I’m afraid my wife will leave with my kids. Any body know how I can fix this?

    Reply
    • I did pretty much the same thing, but I can’t leave my girlfriend. Honestly, my wife doesn’t enjoy sex, ever. I love her, love the kids, love her family, love our family, but there is NO sex. And by no sex, I mean lucky if it’s a quickie once a month. I am sorry, but I’m 35 yrs old and sex is a part of marriage that I can’t live without. I don’t see what’s wrong with having a wife, kids, family that you love, support and would do anything for, while filling in the void of sex, with someone who is also married and in the same sort of predicament. Neither of us want to leave our marriages, but we need to fulfill them.

      Reply
      • Man, this is a tough situation. I understand the physical part of the relationship is minimal to non-existent. I understand that your wife chooses not to engage in physical pleasure with you. My suggestion is for the two of you to seek help via counseling. Neither you or your wife want to part ways, and the lack of intimacy could cause just that. Your seeking personal pleasure outside the relationship is a huge betrayal to your wife and your kids. If you can’t be open and honest with your wife about what you’re doing, and you have to sneak around with your GF to get your physical pleasure, then you’re violating a sacred trust with your wife. If she were to find out, you’d not only lose her but a significant amount of your savings, financials, personal possessions and kids as well. And, depending on the state you live in, if your state is not a “no fault” state, the courts could hold your infidelity against you in Family Court, to the extend of severely limiting your contact and visitation rights with your kids. Again, my suggestion is to seek marital counseling or open a dialog with you wife about having an “open relationship” so each of your needs can be met without betrayal.

        Reply
      • Gianni, you are a liar and a cheat, and that’s on you- not your wife. A woman in her prime doesn’t stop having sex with her husband for no reason.

        Maybe she’s too damned tired for sex , since she doesn’t get a break from home and child care while you are out whoring.

        Maybe she is depressed because she knows deep down her husband has emotionally abandoned her.

        Maybe it’s because of you. I bet you get shaved and cleaned up for the other woman, and wine and dine her. Do you just expect your wife to go from tired mother to panting sex goddess just because you start grabbing at her with no preliminaries??

        Look in the mirror, and own your part in the lack of sex in your marriage. If you are sincere about protecting your home and family, be a real man. That means dumping the slut and bringing some compassion and understanding to working through any problems with your wife.

        Reply
    • Dump the work mate and jump back in bed with the wife. You’re screwed otherwise.

      Reply
  8. So I have a question.

    Little background first … I have never been married, so obviously I have never been divorced. However, a couple years ago I started into a relationship with a recently divorced women with 2 children. The divorce was a bit messy and from what I understand so was the marriage (at least towards the end) … not super uncommon. I came along after and had nothing to do with the marriage/divorce … Just felt like I should make that clear 🙂 … and my question really doesn’t have anything to do with the marriage/divorce, but I thought maybe the guys here might have some insight or gone through something similar.

    Why does the ex seem like he wants nothing to do with the kids since the divorce?

    From what I know he was a good father before the divorce, spent lots of time with them, supported their activities, went on trips, etc … But since the divorce he’s almost disappeared … He’s fine to let me now do the soccer games, doctor’s visits, birthday parties, parent/teacher interviews, and all that stuff … Taking the kids for his visitation always seems like a chore … And the kids are getting old enough now to notice. Don’t get me wrong I love doing it, but part of me feels guilty, like I’m trying to take over. And I would have no issue if he wanted to do any or all of them. I thought over time it would change but it’s been over 2 years now and no real change, despite both his ex and even the kids mentioning it.

    Is this common?… Any advice?

    Reply
    • William, I’m divorced with two kids and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don;t think of them when they’re not with me, This guy is screwed up. No, it’s not normal. Just be the best Dad you can be in his absence.

      Reply

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