Let’s face it. Divorce sucks. Some of us make it through the other side faster than others, and some of us seem to be living in an endless nightmare. 

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14 Comments

  1. Quick question for the folks out there: I just found out my divorce has been assigned to a specific judge. Problem is that this judge is openly pro-women. Reading his bio he just about says it. My lawyer is pretty clear on this guy’s track record. As a result, my lawyer’s just went from pretty good grounds to seek primary physical custody of my kids to let try and settle.

    Am I stuck? How do you fight for fairness when the system is biased?

    My ex and I couldn’t agree on custody, I’m going through the expense and pain of the court to seek fairness, and now I’m being forced back to an unreasonable table! HELP!!

    Reply
    • Jamal:
      Dude, this is not an easy situation. But you give no details about the real issue – primary custody.
      Is 50/50 joint custody out of the question. Primary custody is important – why? Does that mean in your mind that the kids are with you the majority of the time or are you sharing 50/50 visitation with their Mom? One week the kids are with you, one week they’re with their Mom. Is this bad? Is she a bad parent? Is she unfit – I seriously doubt it, but you never know. I’m assuming not or your lawyer would have possibly suggested that. But trust me, the courts are normally not in favor of completely cutting Mom off from her kids.
      My suggestion is work out a co-parenting agreement, laying terms of visitation, frequency, parenting, discipline, holiday visits, schooling, doctors and health professionals, etc. It’s worth the effort if you can get it done.
      My other suggestion is to work with a divorce mediator to work through these difficulties rather than through your attorney. Divorce mediators are generally more skilled at negotiating and working through the emotional issues that both of you face through these difficult times.
      And, let us know how things are going and shaping up. We’re here for you.

      Dennis and the
      Guyvorce Team

      Reply
      • Thanks for the information. I’ve been pushing for primary custody. We both work, but I primarily do the kid stuff in the evenings because she works late and is tired when she gets home. She wants the other way and says she can change her work hours. Tried mediation and it didn’t work.

        I’m worried now that I have been assigned to this judge. Didn’t know if anyone had success switching the judges.

        Reply
        • Jamal: I’ve not had any direct experience with switching judges and don’t know anyone else who has run through the paces of switching judges. We’ll reach out to some of our divorce attorneys to see if one or more of them can weigh in on this. Thanks

          Dennis and the
          Guyvorce Team

          Reply
  2. I been divorced for over a year, after being married less than two years. We didn’t have any kids, because she kept wanting to wait. She’s the one who left me, said she didn’t love me anymore.

    We have no reason to talk to each other, but she has been commenting on my Facebook posts and sending me messages, mostly with stupid cartoons and stuff. She hasn’t come right out and said she wants to get back together or anything, but she keeps showing up in placed where I go, like the gym and the store. I swear theres been a couple times I think I saw her following me on the road. Its like WTF?

    Is this like stalking?

    Reply
    • Jimmy:

      Man, we hear that. And, yeah, this is like stalking. And, yeah, its F’ed up.
      First and foremost, unfriend her on Facebook. She’s likely tracking your whereabouts through your posts, and she knows where and hen to find you. Also, she can’t send you silly cartoons if you’re no longer linked to her through Facebook.
      Second, change your routine so she doesn’t have a reason to know when and where you’ll be anywhere. Change up your pattern. We’re all creatures of habit and your old habits are following you. Just saying.
      Third, if you have any interest to reconnect, then approach her and ask. Nothing like a direct question to put this whole issue to bed. If the answer is YES, then deal with it or shut it down.
      We’re here for you, bro. Go take care of business. We’ve got your back.

      Dennis and the
      Guyvorce Team.

      Reply
  3. Yeah, I was one of the blind guys who never saw it coming. I came home to an empty house, empty bank account and a letter telling me she was in love with another guy. Now I find out she hadn’t made the house payment for the last five months and the bank is going to foreclose.

    I trusted my wife to pay the bills. I trusted her not to be screwing some guy behind my back too. Can I go after her for the back house payments? Is there any way to get the bank to hold off in the meantime? Or am I hosed?

    Reply
    • DearJohn: Hey dude, there’s always hope. First, contact the bank, give them the scope of what you’re going through, make arrangements of getting current on your house payments, or at least work with them on a repayment plan. This is all doable provided the bank is wiling to work with you. Trust me, they DON”T want to be in the Real estate business, and they really don’t want your house.
      Secondly, I know nothing about where you are located. Some states are no fault states and take nothing into consideration as to what caused the separation and divorce. Other states are ‘at fault’ states that consider the events that lead up to the separation and divorce. This is touchy territory and only a seasoned divorce attorney or divorce mediator can provide proper guidance on how to recover your ‘marital property’ and ensure it has been duly accounted for in the equitable split of the marital property.

      Good luck with this, but you can overcome this short term hiccup. And, following the divorce, not before, find a woman worthy of your time and devotion. Obviously, the last woman earned NONE OF THAT.

      Dennis and the
      Guyvorce Team

      Reply
  4. Can anyone tell me how long it takes to stop wanting to knock the shit out of the guy my ex is living with? I pretty much knew she was with somebody before we split, but she denied it. Now to see her with this guy makes me crazy. We been divorced for over a year.

    Reply
    • Rob:
      Wow. I understand the feelings. Been there, done that, got the T-Shirt.
      But, think of the situation this way (yeah, I had to do this too). He’s not the bad guy, here. He was just some horny bastard that saw an opportunity to score with some chick, it’s just that the chick he chose was your soon-to-be Ex.
      Your deflecting the blame on your split on this guy, but in reality, the blame is purely your Ex’s to bear. She was the one that chose to cheat; she was the one that chose to be unfaithful; she was the one that chose to violate her vows to you.
      Place the blame where it squarely belongs. Then flush that crap down the shitter. Who needs that negativity in their lives? Find the silver lining here – find a woman that appreciates you and loves to be with you. Then, thank your Ex for being the beastly woman she was, because she helped bring a more fruitful and rewarding life to your doorstep.

      Dennis and the
      Guyvorce Team

      Reply
  5. I need help right now. My wife found out I am seeing a woman from work and she is pissed. I got two kids and don’t want to lose my family. I don’t want a divorce but I’m afraid my wife will leave with my kids. Any body know how I can fix this?

    Reply
    • Mark:
      Dude, cut the crap. Ditch the co-worker if you want any chance of salvaging your marriage and the time you want with your kids.
      Fact of the matter is, your marriage can be saved. But, both of you are going to have to want to repair the damage that has been done. You’ll need to fess up, ask for forgiveness and ask your wife to work with you to repair your marriage.
      The damage is more than just the trust that was shattered by your affair. Their was damage in your relationship to begin with, hence the reason you sought out someone new.
      My advice is to seek a family or marriage counselor that you can both work with, someone who can appreciate the situation and can help to recover and repair what has been lost over the years, not just what’s been lost because of the affair.
      There are family and marriage therapists that cover this area. It’s not my specialty although I have had my fair share of counselling (3 marriages and 13 counselors over many, many years).
      Good luck with bringing this all back together.
      Remember, 20 minutes of fun is not worth the twenty years of pain that will occur when you’re found out.

      Dennis and the
      Guyvorce Team

      Reply
  6. So I have a question.

    Little background first … I have never been married, so obviously I have never been divorced. However, a couple years ago I started into a relationship with a recently divorced women with 2 children. The divorce was a bit messy and from what I understand so was the marriage (at least towards the end) … not super uncommon. I came along after and had nothing to do with the marriage/divorce … Just felt like I should make that clear 🙂 … and my question really doesn’t have anything to do with the marriage/divorce, but I thought maybe the guys here might have some insight or gone through something similar.

    Why does the ex seem like he wants nothing to do with the kids since the divorce?

    From what I know he was a good father before the divorce, spent lots of time with them, supported their activities, went on trips, etc … But since the divorce he’s almost disappeared … He’s fine to let me now do the soccer games, doctor’s visits, birthday parties, parent/teacher interviews, and all that stuff … Taking the kids for his visitation always seems like a chore … And the kids are getting old enough now to notice. Don’t get me wrong I love doing it, but part of me feels guilty, like I’m trying to take over. And I would have no issue if he wanted to do any or all of them. I thought over time it would change but it’s been over 2 years now and no real change, despite both his ex and even the kids mentioning it.

    Is this common?… Any advice?

    Reply
    • Hi William, thankfully, it’s not that common. Most of our guys are fighting to spend time with their kids. There’s not much you can do about him, but it sounds like you are stepping up and being a great step dad. Good for you for being the responsible one here. The kids will be much better for having you there of them.

      Reply

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