Let’s face it. Divorce sucks. Some of us make it through the other side faster than others, and some of us seem to be living in an endless nightmare. 

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55 Comments

  1. I don’t know if this is the right site, but I’m here for a reason. My marriage is in trouble. I don’t want to sound shallow, but it’s sex! We don’t have it. I stopped begging months ago, killed me as a man, but I would try anything to try and get her in the mood. But sometime in the last few years she lost all interest. She’s tired, the kids are tiring, not now, work stress, whatever!!! The excuses go on and on!

    I honestly can’t rememebr the last time she instigated sex! Seriously! And it has been over 4 months and counting! She doesn’t even ask why so long?!

    What’s normal? Is she cheating? Is this an issue or just a normal slump? I’m pulling my hair out here!!!

    Reply
  2. Has anyone being a non-custodial parent requested a child support review? If so what did u have to provide at the review as far as your information income and resources?

    I was fired two months ago and have been working odd jobs. I’ve been looking for work but difficult. I have unemployment and the side work income, but child support is killing me! I asked my ex for a break for a bit and she flat refused. So I’m going to have to go back to court I guess, otherwise I’m on the street!

    Reply
    • Yeah, dude. Go back to court. Bring whatever documentation you might have. Explain your situation. Bring any unemployment records or benefit applications that you’ve filled out with you. You’ve got nothing to lose and you might get some relief even though the Ex doesn’t want to give up her “money wagon’.

      Reply
  3. Not divorced yet but gave her an ultimatum this morning. Either the drinking stops or I am gone. I am so sick of the drinking. Always money for booze, never money for food. Takes all my cash and spends it so I don’t have anything. Narsassist and abusive when drunk. I am so done.

    Then she, as usual, spins this on me. I’m overreacting, everyone has wine, she doesn’t have a problem and if I was a real man she wouldn’t need the sauce to tolerate me.

    Anyone have any advice for dealing with a drunk? I love her but she’s killing me!!

    Reply
    • Get yourself to Al Anon,. There are groups everywhere. You need to understand what you are dealing with and how to respond. It’s free. Go. You’ll be glad you did.

      Reply
      • Al anon? Is that for the spouse of alcoholics too? I thought only the actual alcoholics could go to those?

        Reply
  4. I have a question and, even though I know from the start that I’m going to get rough answers, I’d still like to know (please skip this post if you can’t add constructive value). If cheaters are always going for the younger sexier models, then why the hell don’t people fight back? We let ourselves go and then ask why did they cheat? Why don’t we take care of our bodies from the start? Why don’t we treat our spouse like they are our top priority as we used to? How did people stay married and faithful to each other 200 years ago?

    I wish I fought back when other men were chasing my wife. I wish I worked harder on my appearance and job status. I wish I treated her better and won her back. I wish I saw her cheating as a cry for the man I used to be and the opportunity to whisk her off of her feet again, rather than resent her.

    I wish … I wish …

    I will forever have this with me… in the end when asked why I never prayed for her, I will have no answer for GOD. HE entrusted her to me and l failed. I don’t hate her, I love her, but my failure as her husband is what caused it all. I allowed the wedge to grow deeper and stronger and eventually it destroyed us.

    Reply
    • Hey Chump. What the hell are you talking about? You failed her? Really? Marriage is a two way street, and if she was dissatisfied, she should have spoken up, not stepped out. Give yourself a break. Stop blaming yourself. Could you have done more? Sure. You both could have. Would it have made a difference in her mental state? We’ll never know.

      Reply
      • Wow!!! Dick is a good name for you!

        He’s obviously hurting over his wife. Ever been cheated on? Well, an ass like you…likely but you wouldn’t know it. For normal people, it kills.

        One thing is right, it’s a two way street. Both of you got her there, but she finished the deal. And if she’s shallow enough to let a physical attraction steal her, you are better off!

        Reply
  5. I feel I’m in a worse position than most men. My wife is leaving me because she’s finally accepted that I’m gay.

    I’ve known for many years, even before we were married. I tried to deny it and for just over 10 years. We have 2 beautiful kids. But I was miserable and couldn’t hide it anymore. I told her and she went nuts! She’s not very religious but started yelling about it being a sin and the embarrassment of it all for her, the boys and me!

    She’s leaving, taking the boys back to her home town. We live in Alabama and I’m sure the courts will have no sympathy on a gay man and his boys. Hell they will likely keep from them for their sake! So backwards!!

    Am I really on my own? Can she take the boys?

    Reply
    • I’d certainly get a good lawyer and fight it as best you can. I’d especially fight their leaving the state and you must have reasonable parenting opportunities with your kids, and that’s hard to do if they are several states or hours away. Just because you’re gay doesn’t mean you’re a bad Dad or a bad influence. Kids need their Dads. That’s a proven fact. And you’re kids are no different.

      Reply
      • This is the Bible Belt I live in! I can’t picture a court here giving a man like me time with his kids.

        Her dad called me today and threatened me if I didn’t walk out of the kids’ lives! He said I was an embarrassment, would I really want them to have the shadow of a gay dad over them through school, and maybe it would be best if I left or died!

        That’s the environment here! I don’t live in the north east where everyone understands and even lets gay men adopt!

        Reply
  6. Is there a point anger goes away? I was cheated on, lied to, and now livin the “dream” of single-hood. I’m a nearly bald, overweight man with a job that fills my week and at least one weekend day. Find a woman that will sign up for that prize!

    I went to drop off my kid this weekend and after one of my well-played comment to the whore she asked me when I was going to get over this!

    I didn’t think much of it (common actually) until yelling at one of my new workers this week. I overheard the secretary talking to him later and telling him to not worry, I yell at everybody.

    When did I become this asshole? It’s been over 3 years. But that’s it…I started being this angry guy then and it keeps getting worse. I’m mad at everything and everybody. When does that go away?

    Reply
    • Hey, Cal. WOW. That’s rough. Living with that much anger has got to be very limiting and debilitating. I can only imagine how you feel internally. Hugely unhappy, dissatisfied and disgruntled with everything and everyone. And, it likely just makes you feel miserable. Unhappy. Not wanting to be around people much. I can relate, but not because of my divorce. As a young man I had the same sort of feelings. Unhappy with everyone and everything; challenging authority at every turn. I’m not saying this will work for you, I can only tell you what I did. I was so unhappy and miserable I decided to change my life, and change my outlook on the world around me. I decided to wake up everyday HAPPY, glad that I was alive, and glad to be breathing, self sufficient and on my own. Everyday starts out that way. There’s no such thing as getting out of the wrong side of the bed. There is no option. Everyday I wake and I can function and be self sufficient is a damn good day. It may not stay that way as people can be negative, etc. But at least my day starts off well. And, I’m a much happier man for it.

      Reply
  7. As I read through everyone’s concerns, I wanted to share my different outlook. It looks like people think divorce is a bad thing or is a way of punishing another partner. If you can look beyond anger and revenge you’ll realize there are positive things as well.

    For example after my ex wife left me I was able to enroll back in school furthering my studies (no coordination or permission required), started to go to the gym, and work on my savings. My account used to be Zeros come end of the month.

    Now I am travelling with my kids where we want to go. Nothing fancy, but nobody to crap all over the idea or trip anymore. I’m really enjoying my life without anyone next to me disturbing my thinking. I don’t even think I will go for no marriage again ’cause it’s a waste of time and life.

    Reply
    • I’m with ya all the way! I went on my own over 5 years ago. Can’t believe the enjoyment and freedom I have!

      While my ex has gone through 2 boyfriends in her house, I’ve kept it simple. I date, but make it clear I’m not talking marriage or moving in until MAYBE my kids are grown. That’s turned several off, but I’m honest up front. I know too many that can’t do what they want with their kids because of the new wife!

      Stay the single road man…it’s great!

      Reply
  8. I’m struggling with timing. Seems this pattern always has happened to me, from dating to now marriage and divorce.

    We are able to go finalize our divorce by the end of the year. I’ve planned it as my Christmas present to me! Didn’t always feel that way, the opposite in fact. But she was such a hag, from how she told me she wanted a divorce, everything wrong with me, all things right with him, that it became clear to me it was over.

    So I dealt with it. Now I’m good with it and see what I missed early before.

    Then….she calls me today at work to tell me that she’s made a mistake and maybe we could try to work it out?! Where did that come from?

    I’ve had girlfriends do the same! Is this me or is it common?

    Reply
    • What can I say? Ditch her. She’s not worth it. She thought the grass was greener, so let her mow her own lawn.

      Reply
  9. Just had a small victory that I thought you guys would appreciate!

    We’ve been arguing for weeks over the house, boat, and all the other crap around the house to divide up or sell. The we got to the dog.

    I knew she hated the dog…she never wanted it in the first place. Magically she said she loved the dog and wanted to “share” custody. Ever hear of that?!

    I saw this as a shot at me so I called her bluff. Well 2 days into her week and she called me to come get the dog. He’s a good boy…crapped all over her place!

    So there’s one small victory for me!

    Reply
    • Victory? Maybe. I guess it was unless it happened because your ex was kicking the shit out of your dog.

      Reply
  10. I feel like I’m on the other end of most of these posts. I’ve been married for just over six years and I want a divorce, but not sure how to break the news.

    It’s hard. My wife is a good person but I can’t stand being around her. So many habits I just ignored when dating and in the early years, but now it drives me crazy.

    I don’t want to hurt her, but I only feel happy when she’s not around. Any advice about breaking the news to her?

    Reply
    • I’m sorry but there’s no easy ‘get out of jail’ card for you. You’re just going to have to man up and tell her. Be as gentle as you can, encourage her the reassure her that she’s a wonderful person, but frankly, the only thing she’ll remember is that you ditched her. As much as you’ll try to ease the pain, sometimes when you have to eat crow, the feathers are hard to swallow.

      Reply
    • So that’s it?! You sound like my ex!! Too chicken shit to man up and work through the hard stuff!

      You ever think she’s also sick of you, but too committed to, oh I don’t know, her vows to quit on you? Instead you start getting irritated with her like a moody man-girl and are ready to run!

      In the end she’ll be better…likely never know what a loser she has!

      Reply
      • Who do you think you are?! Do you know anything about my marriage, my wife, me? Hell. I you don’t!

        The one thing that is clear to me now is why your ex left! I can see now one woman that is more annoying than my wife!

        Reply
        • All I’m saying Steve is that you will get what you deserve!

          You have a vow did you not? And you are going to throw your word and your marriage in the trash for what, a period of time where your wife is annoying?! Have you looked deep into yourself yet? Therapy? Or just being a quitter?

          Do that and you deserve a bitch like Saucy!!

          Reply
      • That’s right Janet! Give em hell! I’m lovin it, you know why?

        Because for every self rightous ball breaker like you, is a mistreated husband that is more than ready to let Saucy here show him a real good time.

        Reply
        • Real Klassy Saucy! Keep spreading your filth all over the town and helping the real women find out who has got a loser of a man so they can move on…with a nice wad of his money at the same time for his taste in whores like you!!!!

          Reply
          • Poor Janet! You make it soooo easy for me. Look in the mirror. What you will see is a dried up angry hag, standing all alone. All alone, and supporting herself, cause those alimony days are long gone, thanks to you self rightous feminist types.

            Let your anger keep you warm, while Saucy snuggles up to a man that appreciates being treated like a real man. Real men take good care of their Saucy girl. Saucy loves presents, and shows her man just how much she loves being petted and spoiled.

            Saucy never has to sleep alone. Not like Janet!

      • Ouch, Janet. You’re one angry woman. Better leave men alone for a while. We men don’t need any of that ‘hate men’ attitude hitting us square in the face. I’m all for this guy ‘growing a pair’ but I’m not condoning your personal attack. Come on. The purpose here is to help, not tear one another down. Help a brother in need. God knows there’s enough negativity in the world, and we certainly don’t need more of that displayed here. None of us is perfect, including you. Have a heart. Help the guy.

        Reply
    • Steve, you may not be interested in another woman opinion, but I think you owe it to yourself to try to fix your marriage before going to the extreme of divorce. You said you wife is basically a decent person. There’s a good chance she will be willing to work with you to resolve the things that you say are annoying, especially if you are willing to be open and willing to hear her out, too. Honestly, sometimes after a rough patch, you both growing together makes things so much better going forward. Talk to someone you respect who has been married a long, long time. You will find out that in most cases, sticking it out has big rewards. Please don’t do anything rash that you may kick yourself for later.

      Reply
  11. A little more than a week away from moving day! Separation paperwork is signed and I’m leaving the house.

    I’m trying to focus on the details to help avoid the pain that’s coming from the actual event and move out. We had such a hard time figuring out the kid piece of separation that we just hit big items in that agreement (property).

    Question: if I leave some furniture but still want it, can I bring that up when we go to finalize the divorce?

    Also, any general moving tips for getting your stuff out but leaving hers?

    Reply
    • For what it’s worth, in the next week I encourage you to make a two lists of personal property, List A and List B. Populate the two lists fairly and equitably. Whomever makes the list gives the other party a choice of which list they want, and ultimately which list you’ll be left with. In the end, this method guarantees fairness in the separation of tangible assets. With that said, I then encourage you both to sign the lists acknowledging the contents of each of the lists. Then, later, you have a legal and legitimate claim to recover what has been acknowledged as your agreed property. Good luck with this.

      Reply
    • Just be sure you really do have the kid part of your separation agreement nailed down tight. My brother moved out before it was all finalized and his wife’s attorney used it to crucify him in court and make it look like he abandoned his kids. He lost on almost everything to do with custody because of it.

      Reply
  12. My wife wants a divorce after only two years of marriage. We should be starting a family now, and she is panicking about being tied down.

    I don’t want a divorce. My parents have been married over 35 years, and drilled it into me that marriages are forever and have ups and downs.

    My wife’s mother left my father in law when my wife was really little, then got married and divorced a couple more times. I think she’s egging my wife on to leave our marriage because in some weird way it justifies her past choices.

    Is there any way for me to stop this divorce from going through? If my wife would just slow down I think we can work it out.

    Reply
    • I feel for you man. The quick and dirty: Sadly the reality for marriage is that it is a contract that basically takes two to agree, but only to terminate. You can delay, but that is about all you can do.

      I am drawn to responding to this comment because I read my pain in your story. Same thing happened to me. My ex agreed to therapy, but made it clear (in many hard to hear ways) that she had no intention of trying to salvage the marriage.

      Best advice I have is to try and get her to agree to therapy to help you understand. Don’t pressure too much, because that could make her dig in harder. Maybe she will reveal issues, but you should also be open to listening and learning if your marriage has hope for survival. If not, find a way to end it fairly.

      Reply
    • Sadman, dump the b*&^. She doesn’t deserve you or your attention if that’s the case. You deserve better than that. Hit me up sometime. I can’t find a decent man in my area and I could use a guy like you who actually cares about his wife. There just aren’t enough caring men in the world and it’s a shame women don’t give them the respect they deserve.

      Reply
    • Sadman, Run from Carla! She sounds like many of the desperate ones I run into through online dating!

      Reply
  13. You know, I get why “no fault” divorce is a good thing, and makes it easier to get a divorce. But it isn’t always a good thing for every one, especially guy’s like me., where the divorce is ALL HER FAULT. She’s the one who cleaned out our checking account and ran off to shack up with another man, in another state. But now she’s back here for the divorce and demanding half of everything! And my lawyer says there isn’t anything I can do about it. That SOB she’s screwing will be living the high life with what took me decades of hard work to earn. I can’t sleep or function at work with this hanging over me.

    Reply
    • From a personal perspective, I think your attorney is an a**hole. And you should consider getting yourself a new attorney. From a banking perspective, get statements from the bank to show the monies extracted and keep a close accounting of what she took (clothing, monies, personal and marital effects, etc.) at her departure. There is hell to pay and the devil is in the details. Without documentation you’re screwed. They were marital funds and subject to equitable division. Secondly, let’s get real. DIVORCE and separation are not one person’s fault, but the fault of the marriage and the relationship. There were obviously things wrong in the marriage. We can blame the wife if you like. It’s good and soothing to our ego, but it may not be factually correct. take some time to reflect. What was going on? Why was she dissatisfied? Were you dissatisfied? Why? There were likely failures or warnings of failures that were ignored or not acknowledged. Own them. embrace them. Learn from them. And then don’t let them creep into your next relationship. And, good luck with all this. We’re here for you.

      Reply
  14. Quick question for the folks out there: I just found out my divorce has been assigned to a specific judge. Problem is that this judge is openly pro-women. Reading his bio he just about says it. My lawyer is pretty clear on this guy’s track record. As a result, my lawyer’s just went from pretty good grounds to seek primary physical custody of my kids to let try and settle.

    Am I stuck? How do you fight for fairness when the system is biased?

    My ex and I couldn’t agree on custody, I’m going through the expense and pain of the court to seek fairness, and now I’m being forced back to an unreasonable table! HELP!!

    Reply
    • Thanks for the information. I’ve been pushing for primary custody. We both work, but I primarily do the kid stuff in the evenings because she works late and is tired when she gets home. She wants the other way and says she can change her work hours. Tried mediation and it didn’t work.

      I’m worried now that I have been assigned to this judge. Didn’t know if anyone had success switching the judges.

      Reply
    • This really blows. I don’t know if it’s just bad luck, bad karma, or just bad timing. Either way you look at it, taking your chances in court is dicey. Find a way to work out the best agreement you can with your Ex and be done with it, because it can only get worse if the court’s involved.

      Reply
  15. I been divorced for over a year, after being married less than two years. We didn’t have any kids, because she kept wanting to wait. She’s the one who left me, said she didn’t love me anymore.

    We have no reason to talk to each other, but she has been commenting on my Facebook posts and sending me messages, mostly with stupid cartoons and stuff. She hasn’t come right out and said she wants to get back together or anything, but she keeps showing up in placed where I go, like the gym and the store. I swear theres been a couple times I think I saw her following me on the road. Its like WTF?

    Is this like stalking?

    Reply
    • Jimmy, jump on this and take her home with you. When you find her following you, stalking you or coming onto you, take the lead and offer to take her home. Get her off your back by getting her on your good side. Dump her later if needed but, WTF? Might as well have some fun with this.

      Reply
  16. Yeah, I was one of the blind guys who never saw it coming. I came home to an empty house, empty bank account and a letter telling me she was in love with another guy. Now I find out she hadn’t made the house payment for the last five months and the bank is going to foreclose.

    I trusted my wife to pay the bills. I trusted her not to be screwing some guy behind my back too. Can I go after her for the back house payments? Is there any way to get the bank to hold off in the meantime? Or am I hosed?

    Reply
    • Work with the bank to hold off on the foreclosure. If you work with them, they’ll likely work with you. They really don’t want to be in the real estate business. Holding your departed spouse hostage for mortgage payments is a stretch but it’s a bargaining chip you can use through the process. if nothing else, negotiate your share of the absconded funds from the house settlement if and when you sell the property. Good luck.

      Reply
  17. Can anyone tell me how long it takes to stop wanting to knock the shit out of the guy my ex is living with? I pretty much knew she was with somebody before we split, but she denied it. Now to see her with this guy makes me crazy. We been divorced for over a year.

    Reply
    • Rob, there’s a certain part of that anger that’ll likely never go away. Just try to put all this behind you. After two to three years, this too shall pass.

      Reply
  18. I need help right now. My wife found out I am seeing a woman from work and she is pissed. I got two kids and don’t want to lose my family. I don’t want a divorce but I’m afraid my wife will leave with my kids. Any body know how I can fix this?

    Reply
    • I did pretty much the same thing, but I can’t leave my girlfriend. Honestly, my wife doesn’t enjoy sex, ever. I love her, love the kids, love her family, love our family, but there is NO sex. And by no sex, I mean lucky if it’s a quickie once a month. I am sorry, but I’m 35 yrs old and sex is a part of marriage that I can’t live without. I don’t see what’s wrong with having a wife, kids, family that you love, support and would do anything for, while filling in the void of sex, with someone who is also married and in the same sort of predicament. Neither of us want to leave our marriages, but we need to fulfill them.

      Reply
      • Man, this is a tough situation. I understand the physical part of the relationship is minimal to non-existent. I understand that your wife chooses not to engage in physical pleasure with you. My suggestion is for the two of you to seek help via counseling. Neither you or your wife want to part ways, and the lack of intimacy could cause just that. Your seeking personal pleasure outside the relationship is a huge betrayal to your wife and your kids. If you can’t be open and honest with your wife about what you’re doing, and you have to sneak around with your GF to get your physical pleasure, then you’re violating a sacred trust with your wife. If she were to find out, you’d not only lose her but a significant amount of your savings, financials, personal possessions and kids as well. And, depending on the state you live in, if your state is not a “no fault” state, the courts could hold your infidelity against you in Family Court, to the extend of severely limiting your contact and visitation rights with your kids. Again, my suggestion is to seek marital counseling or open a dialog with you wife about having an “open relationship” so each of your needs can be met without betrayal.

        Reply
      • Gianni, you are a liar and a cheat, and that’s on you- not your wife. A woman in her prime doesn’t stop having sex with her husband for no reason.

        Maybe she’s too damned tired for sex , since she doesn’t get a break from home and child care while you are out whoring.

        Maybe she is depressed because she knows deep down her husband has emotionally abandoned her.

        Maybe it’s because of you. I bet you get shaved and cleaned up for the other woman, and wine and dine her. Do you just expect your wife to go from tired mother to panting sex goddess just because you start grabbing at her with no preliminaries??

        Look in the mirror, and own your part in the lack of sex in your marriage. If you are sincere about protecting your home and family, be a real man. That means dumping the slut and bringing some compassion and understanding to working through any problems with your wife.

        Reply
    • Dump the work mate and jump back in bed with the wife. You’re screwed otherwise.

      Reply
  19. So I have a question.

    Little background first … I have never been married, so obviously I have never been divorced. However, a couple years ago I started into a relationship with a recently divorced women with 2 children. The divorce was a bit messy and from what I understand so was the marriage (at least towards the end) … not super uncommon. I came along after and had nothing to do with the marriage/divorce … Just felt like I should make that clear 🙂 … and my question really doesn’t have anything to do with the marriage/divorce, but I thought maybe the guys here might have some insight or gone through something similar.

    Why does the ex seem like he wants nothing to do with the kids since the divorce?

    From what I know he was a good father before the divorce, spent lots of time with them, supported their activities, went on trips, etc … But since the divorce he’s almost disappeared … He’s fine to let me now do the soccer games, doctor’s visits, birthday parties, parent/teacher interviews, and all that stuff … Taking the kids for his visitation always seems like a chore … And the kids are getting old enough now to notice. Don’t get me wrong I love doing it, but part of me feels guilty, like I’m trying to take over. And I would have no issue if he wanted to do any or all of them. I thought over time it would change but it’s been over 2 years now and no real change, despite both his ex and even the kids mentioning it.

    Is this common?… Any advice?

    Reply
    • William, I’m divorced with two kids and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don;t think of them when they’re not with me, This guy is screwed up. No, it’s not normal. Just be the best Dad you can be in his absence.

      Reply

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