Dating Again Getting back out there after divorce.

Looking for love after a divorce can be daunting. The prospect of starting all over may seem unnerving, but at some point, you may wonder if you’re ready. The internet is full of advice on dating after divorce, but the reality is that there are no rules. It will be different for every person.

Here are some of the stories, the good, the bad and the ugly.

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23 Comments

  1. Not everyone has a hard time dating after a divorce. In a way, Its easier for me now because the pressure is off to settle down and get married.

    I’m enjoying being able to strike up a conversation with a woman and take it from there. It’s not hard to suggest continuing a pleasant conversation over coffee. No big pressures or expectations. It’s great!

    Reply
    • Glad to hear it. I felt the same way for a bit. To me it was all about managing what I was looking for. A friend of mine told me it was a waste, so I didn’t expect much. I had some good dates, good times, but was always out of sync (they wanted more, I was trying to figure out what I wanted after my divorce).

      Now I’m settled, ready for something serious and it is like all those chances passed! I can’t get a good date via online to save my life. Maybe it is because I actually want someone now.

      Reply
  2. So, I’ve attempted getting back on the dating scene after my divorce three years ago via four different dating sites, and honestly, I’ve never had such a difficult time finding dates. I think I’m a nice guy, decent looking, fairly fit (not perfect), sincere and genuine. But I can’t get any ladies that I’m interested in to respond. I’ve read all the recommendations about writing to them referencing things I’ve read in their profile, and ………. nothing. Is anyone else experiencing being ignored like this or am I statistically the outlier in this experiment?

    Reply
    • Yeah, I’ve experienced the same. The dating sites send fictitious emails, winks, etc. and when I responded to them, NOTHING. The dating sites are whacked. They just suck the money out of your pocket and deliver next to nothing. In real life away from the dating sites, I’m doing just fine on the dating scene. Shame on me for ever relying on online dating to find a woman I could talk to.

      Reply
  3. I feel lousy! My marriage ended a few years ago with my wife cheating on me. Took me awhile to get over that but finally found someone I care about. We’ve been seeing each other seriously for almost a year now.

    Problem is that I’ve cheated on her twice! I just left drinks with a chick from work and soon that will likely make it three. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but a girl flirts and I feel like…it’s nothing. I know I’m wrong but I end up doing it again. I don’t want to lose this girl but fear I’m screwed up from the first marriage. Anyone else have this issue?

    Reply
    • Tim, you lousy jerk! You’re exactly the kind of guy that women hate. And you’re the kind of guy that drives women away from men and makes them scared to date again for fear of being betrayed. Just think of what your mother would think of your antics, you dirt bag.

      Reply
  4. So how many dates should there be before a guy can realistically expect sex to happen?

    I’m divorced after a long marriage, and when I was last dating there weren’t casual hookups and friends with benefits. Is this just talk or are most women interested in casual sex early on?

    Reply
  5. I’ve been divorced for almost two years now and ended up getting involved with a woman right after my divorce. We had known each other from work for years. Maybe it was rebound, but it’s over.

    Now it’s like starting over with dating from before I was ever married. I have chicks from work that make it clear they are interested, but I want a fresh start.

    I work two jobs. Other than online dating, what are the options?

    Reply
    • It’s really quite simple. Go to where the women might be located. Grocery store, church, music store, Apple Store, phone store, open mic night somewhere, live music venue, farmers market, county fair, rodeo (if you’re in the neighborhood). It could be most anywhere. Of course, there are always bars and restaurants to frequent to see who the regulars are and if you see anyone interesting. Trust me. There are lots of places to find available women besides the online dating sites.

      Reply
  6. This may sound odd coming from a guy, but have many of you encountered women just looking for “hook-ups” when dating? At first this was great, but I’m surprised how many don’t want to date seriously…mainly because they have kids. Is this common?

    Reply
  7. I want to figure out a way to get them off the damn websites and out into the real world. They all talk a good talk, but they panic and cancel and bail when you try and meet for a coffee, glass of wine, anything. I’ve had conversations go on for as long as 2 1/2 months, thinking that everything was great and getting closer and closer, but when it came down to it, she was too terrified to walk the walk and wouldn’t meet in person. WTF??

    Reply
  8. Just divorced and heard from a girl at work that she didn’t want to date because people just after divorce are “radioactive.” Anybody hear of that?

    She explained that she had been burned too much and divorced men need about a year to be normal.

    Reply
    • The “nuclear” radioactivity is on both sides on the divorce equation. Women are just as radioactive if not more so than men. Once the relationship is over, each of us needs time to reflect on what went right, what went wrong, our personal accountability for our own actions, etc. We each need time to reflect before we’re truly ready to connect with the opposite sex again in a meaningful way.

      Reply
  9. First to admit, I’ve been out of the scene for a looonnnggg time. Working through our separation and almost to divorce now, after over 20 years of marriage. It was over for awhile, just neither one of us wanted to admit it. Plus the kids were almost off to college.

    Here’s the thing: I’d like to start dating. I feel like I’ve missed years of opportunity to meet someone that really clicks. And, to be frank, I want a little fun. I was a monk for those last few years, and many of the ones before that weren’t memorable, particularly in the sheets.

    But I’m scared to death about diseases. Is everyone else? So I’m curious, how do you bring that up when dating today? I can’t imagine just saying “So, are you clean?”

    Reply
  10. This might be a stupid question, but I am now separated from my wife after 22 years. Obviously, it’s been a long time since I was dating. My divorce will be final in a few weeks. The whole process has been expensive, paying for attorneys and a new place and everything else. So my question is, how do I know when to pay for a date and when the woman should pay? Believe it or not, I actually have been asked to go out by a lady at work, so I need to know what to do.

    Reply
  11. After my divorce, my wife’s sister reached out to tell me that she knew the split was my wife’s fault, that she had wrecked the relationship any time she’d been with a good man.

    Now my former sister in law is single and will be back in town soon. She wants us to go out. Is that messed up or what? I do like her but I know my side of the family would flip out if I started dating my ex wife’s sister.

    Reply
    • RUN FOR THE HILLS. Stay away from this nut job for your own sake.

      Reply
  12. I’ve been divorced for 2 years now, and “dating” only for the past 6 months. I just wasn’t ready. My beef is the dating sites. I’ve talked to several women and felt like connections were there, conversations, laughs, etc. but it seems none of them actually ever want to “meet”. They make excuses, bail last minute, whatever. WTF!!! How do you find/get the ones who actually want to meet and give it a chance? I’m not interested in “chatting” for the rest of my life.

    Reply
  13. Divorced four years. Decided to try the online dating sites. What a waste of time. After joining four dating sites (Match, Plenty of Fish (POF), Tinder and Zoosk) let me tell you, I’ve never been more ignored in all my life. I’ve been on these sites four+ months now, written likely 100 emails of intro to various ladies trying to spark conversation and a connection. Mind you, I’m being respectful, humorous, witty, and engaging. I’ve not sent any Dick Pics or anything vulgar of any kind. Now, I don’t think I’m a bad looking guy, but you might think I was Jack the Ripper. Response from the ladies has been nearly non-existent. It’s frustrating. They all say they’re easy going and want to find their ‘last love’, want to have their ‘last first kiss.’ What crap is this if they never answer an email of introduction? How can they possibly find their forever love if they are disconnected, disengaged or disinterested. I have no idea how to get a connection. If anyone has any ideas or success stories to share it might prove helpful.

    Reply
    • Dude, I had the same thing for 6 months after I tried using those stupid sites. I was cracking off about it to my sister about how women say one thing and act another, and she talked me into letting her fix my dating profile.

      What she put in there wasn’t so much different from what I had, but it worked. Like chicks have a freakin secret code or something. Try getting a woman to fix your dating site stuff. It worked for me.

      Reply

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